Uggh.

I did so good for a few days, and then...uggh, it's so weird, I have two and a half weeks off before school starts again and what do I do with it? Absolutely nothing. Which would be fine if I was enjoying it, but I'm not. I can't let go of feeling like a failure if I don't get a lot done in a day, so even when I try to just relax it doesn't really work and I just start hating myself and eat the emotions, which of course brings out more emotions and I keep eating...I wish I could pick one! Either enjoy being lazy or find something to do and do it. But I keep thinking of things to do and then wavering back and forth about "I should do it, but I don't have to, and I really should be enjoying my break, but now I'm bored, I just don't know" and then the day is over and I didn't do it and now I feel stupid. And worse, I let feeling stupid manifest as random food being eated in the wee hours of the morning alone. Shameful. But I have a friend visiting for a few days and she'll probably kick me into gear...I'm hoping she and I can have fun but also go the gym and cook good food. I'm counting on the fact that pretty much anything done with her is fun. I know she'll push me diet-and-exercise wise if I ask her to, but she's also a really really fun person. I realize that I should be able to do things for myself and that relying on her to help me get through a few more days without the structure of school is pathetic, but oh well, I'm pathetic then. I just need help. Unfortunately. *sigh*